


Do they know it's Christmas?

by blenalela



Series: we make do - Generation Kill Modern AU Christmas Edition [2]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst mixed with fluff, Bubble Bath, Christmas Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:54:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blenalela/pseuds/blenalela
Summary: When Brad comes home, he can't find Nate. When he later finally gets to him, he realizes the bad shape he is in and tries everything to make him feel better, since Christmas is not the right time to feel sad or brought down by others.
Relationships: Brad Colbert/Nate Fick
Series: we make do - Generation Kill Modern AU Christmas Edition [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560694
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Do they know it's Christmas?

** Do they know it’s Christmas? **

****

When Brad opened the door, he knew something was wrong. It had been Nate’s day off, but all the lights were switched out. Frosty hopped of the couch, he could hear his little paws on the tiles and came over to him, meowing softly, but to Brad it sounded anxious. Well, it could be that he was just projecting his feelings on the cat, but he seriously asked himself where Nate was.

He closed the door behind him and illuminated the from the outside streetlamps dimly lit flat. Even now there was no trace of Nate. Not in the kitchen, not in the living room. He wasn’t in the bedroom, and he wasn’t in the bathroom. Brad even checked the storeroom, but no Nate. The blond put his satchel down next to the sideboard they used to store placemats and their stuff for work together with lots of other shit in.

Brad wasn’t an overly controlling boyfriend, but he couldn’t resist the urge to check and see if all of Nate’s files were there, which they were.

The moment he got up from the drawer, his gaze fell onto the four pictures they had put up for lack of better use and constant nagging comments from Ray how impersonal and cold their whole home was. In the end, their annoying friend had taken matters into his own hands and got four framed pictures for them – which explained the obnoxiously neon-colored frames around them. Brad would never admit it, but he loved the photographs. Two of them showed Nate and him out partying, maybe a bit more drunk than they should, another was of them just sitting next to each other, staring blankly into the camera and the last was Nate grimacing into the camera while Brad was kissing his cheek.

Frosty meowed once more and slowly tried to guide Brad to his empty food bowl. That made Brad stop short. Nate would never leave just like that, leaving Frosty with no food (and the bowl was usually always filled to the brim, since Frosty was a picky eater and preferred to wait for his canned gourmet food he got thrice a day, and his normal bowl being empty meant he had had none of that at noon).

He postponed his search for Nate for a second, tending to the little grey cat, lowly gushing over the little boy. He loved that cat. If someone would’ve asked him if he’d want to own a cat a few years ago, he’d asked them if they were bat shit crazy or what. But ever since he and Nate had gotten the little thing almost a year ago, he had mutated to the worst and most clingy cat person there was. He could hardly cross a cat’s way without resisting the terrible urge to go stroke it. Then again, he compared every cat to his favorite boy and judged them as not nearly as perfectly cute as Frosty.

In that sense, he was a weird person. But not as weird as a certain Ray Person, so there was that.

At first, he decided to just wait for Nate, maybe he had just hurried out to grab some groceries (which would still not explain the Frosty-thing) and had forgotten about telling Brad, since Brad had checked his phone three times, he had even texted Poke to text him back to see if his phone was broken and didn’t receive any incoming texts or calls, but that was just not the case. Now he was sitting on the sofa, a coffee in front of him on the glass table and the TV turned on, without really paying any attention to it. The news were on, talking about a family-tragedy right here in Pendleton.

In his inner turmoil that got bigger and bigger by the second, Brad decided to call the one human being he knew would always pick up, no matter what.

The second the one he’d called picked up, loud Christmas songs were booming into his eardrums. He held his phone a few inches away from his ear, in order to not get deafened by _Jingle Bell Rock_.

_“What’s the matter, Big Gay Brad?”_

“How often do I need to tell you to stop calling me that, you foul-mouthed inbred gnome from the South?” Brad heard laughter from the other side of the phone call.

“Ray, are you working right now?”

_“I sure am, but don’t worry, I’m not driving with my phone in the hand, I’m using this new free hand mode!”_

“And you do that while carrying around some stranger who’s too lazy to just walk where they’re needed?”

A muffled _Hey!_ erupted and Ray laughed. _“Don’t take him too serious, he’s just jealous that he has to park his motorbike at least four blocks away from his workplace and has to walk thirty minutes through the cold each morning at seven o’clock.”_

“Shut the fuck up, Ray.”

_“Okay, okay, homes. What’s twisting your dick today?”_

“You’ve seen or heard anything from Nate?”

_“No, so far today I have no news about the great and wise Nate Fick. Why?”_

“He’s gone.”

_“What do you mean, ‘gone’? Like ecstasy drug trip gone or gone to the kiosk around the corner to get cigarettes?”_

“Ray, this is not funny.”

_“Dude, chill out, I’m sorry, okay? Also, why do you call me instead of Mike? You know him and Nate are much more close than him and I.”_

“You are the biggest chatterbox there is and seemingly know everything about anyone.”

_“I think you’re confusing me with Q-Tip right now.”_

Brad heard a loud and excited _Oh my God, you know Evan Stafford?!_ from inside the cab Ray was driving, but decided to ignore it. He sighed loudly.

_“Yo homes, was something the matter with him lately? Like was he looking depressed or something?”_

“Not particularly. Just the normal mood he’s in around Christmas, he’s got a lot going on during December at work, but he didn’t talk about anything.”

_“Dude, how long has it been since anyone has told one of you how incredibly stupid you are? Ever come to think that maybe Nate’s feeling like shit mentally? Go do something to cheer him up, like buy a blanket with sleeves or some shit or take him hula hoop dancing or I don’t know what. Take his mind off of work if it’s so shitty there right now. Sometimes you really need a manual for maintaining a relationship, you know that?”_

“Since when are you one to talk? Since Cindy in high school you haven’t been in a relationship if I ‘m correct and it has taken you ‘til yours and Walt’s move to lose your virginity.”

_“Stop defaming me in front of my customers!”_

“Why should I ever do that if you make it so easy for me?”

_“Yeah, I bet it’s as easy as grooming your fucking carpet!”_

Brad’s _That was one fucking time!_ got drowned out by Ray’s obnoxious voice blaring into his ear once more. _“Dude, go think what Nate likes to do on his days off and see if you can find him there anywhere. It isn’t exactly algebra to get that idea, you shithead.”_ Then he ended the call.

“You impolite, sister-fucking ugly cockroach are actually right for once.”

The TV was getting switched off, and faster than Frosty was on his short little legs, Brad was out the door, heading for the park visible from the windows in the living room, the place he knew Nate was always running at. Under his arm, he pinned the warmest coat he could find.

Though it was only four in the afternoon, it was already dark outside. Brad wandered along the little manmade lake in the middle of the park, checking each and every bench for Nate. He couldn’t really understand that Nate loved this park so much. It was plain and boring, not really outstanding in any way and it was tiny. The only thing making it interesting, though not pretty, were the few fairy lights carelessly draped around the trunks of individual trees.

A lot of people were frequenting the park, going home from work or enjoying a little evening walk, but none of them resembled the lean, ash blond man he was looking for. It puzzled him how easy he could single out a troublemaker in the schoolyard, but he couldn’t find the man he had been spending everyday with for the past five years in a park that wasn’t much bigger than his normal search ground.

After at least 45 minutes of walking around aimlessly searching, he finally found him, shortly after it started to snow lightly. Relief flooded through him and a happy sigh escaped his mouth. Clutching the coat in his arms tighter, he started to make his way over to Nate.

Nate was sitting on a bench directly situated under a street lamp, looking ghostly pale while the white crystals were dancing through the air around him.

His whole appearance looked similar to a painting, a lone man out in the cold, looking nothing like a human, only a shadow of himself.

He was only clad in his running gear; a light blue vest, thin, long track pants and running shoes; all far too thin for this kind of weather. It was a miracle to Brad how he wasn’t shivering, how he wasn’t completely blue, but just sat there devoid of emotion and live.

With a few huge strides, Brad was right next to him and gently sat down, but still didn’t get a reaction from him.

The first time he moved was when Brad draped the coat around him. Nate simply turned his head to look at him, his translucid green eyes hollow. Brad’s hand brushed against his cheek, felt the icy cold skin which completely dried out and ripping open.

Following his impulse, he wrapped the now so tiny seeming figure into his arms, held him close, wanted to hold him close, but Nate pushed him away.

For a millisecond, pain flashed across Brad’s face, but it was instantly replaced with concern, when he noticed his eyes getting something of a thousand-yard-stare.

“What’s the matter?”

Nate avoided his gaze. Instead he turned back to the frozen lake. “I was at the hospital today.”

Alarm bells rang in Brad’s ears. “Is something wrong with you?” He softly cupped his face, looked into his eyes, concern and love spreading in his blue irises.

Nate wound out of Brad’s grasp and shook his head. “No, it… It had something to do with a case I was assigned to.” He searched for words for a moment. Whatever it was he wanted to say got stuck in his throat or so it seemed. His mouth opened and closed, without a single sound making it past his lips. “I can’t tell you about this.”

A mix between a sigh and a groan escaped Brad’s mouth and he harshly pulled Nate in, slammed him into his chest.”You obviously need to get it out. I ignored all of this for long enough, but I don’t want to lose you to your own stubbornness. And when have I ever been indiscreet about anything you’ve told me?”

Nate started to wrestle himself free, miserably failing due to his frozen limbs. “This is not me being stubborn but my workplace having certain rules.”

“Do you realize how fucking idiotic that sounds? Putting work before your own good?”

“Then I am an idiot, huh?” He finally succeeded in freeing himself from Brad. With a deep sigh, he put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. By now, he was starting to shiver, his body aching the warmth and comfort of Brad.

“Get it out.” The taller demanded, a hand finding Nate’s neck, giving it a squeeze which normally would’ve made Nate jerk, since his neck was the only place he was ticklish, but now he didn’t. It didn’t really help in making Brad feel any calmer.

Nate sighed. He then wrapped his arm around Brad, sneaking it under his open jacket for warmth. Brad pulled him closer as an answer, and readjusted the coat he had simply thrown over Nate. He decided that the slightly smaller now seeking his nearness was a good sign.

“I was at the hospital to check in on a witness from my case.”

Brad hummed his understanding, avoiding to further interrupt him.

“It’s about this couple committing suicide together by burning their flat. It was on the news, I’m assured you’ve seen it on the news, you must’ve. It was big.” It was unlike Nate to blabber.

And Brad hadn’t. He never watched the news, or read the newspaper, for that matter, except for the articles he was interested in.

“This victim is – was… their daughter.” Nate’s voice broke. Something that rarely happened. Nate never allowed himself to be open with his emotions like this. Vulnerable. Exposed.

“Fuck.” Brad tightened his grip on his boyfriend, softly nuzzling his nose into his hair.

“She’s just eight years old, Brad. How can I ever tell her what happened to her life? How can I ever ask her about this night and what happened? I can’t fucking do that. I can’t work on this fucking case. I can’t fuck this child up anymore than it is right now but this is exactly what I have to do. I just can’t.”

“I know.”

Nate started trembling. “You don’t.”

Brad knew he was trying his hardest not to cry. “Just let it out.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Nate’s hairline.

And with that simple and loving gesture, he lost it in Brad’s arms, while the tall blond tried to comfort him.

Not that much later, Brad had dumped Nate into the bathtub, with the command to not get out until he was feeling warm again, inside and out. Brad had even made him a hot cup of tea and placed it onto the tray between toilet and bathtub.

Not that he was so mistrusting in Nate, but Brad was still sitting on the closed toilet lid, watching over Nate, who was looking like a picture of misery, painted by a virtuous painter with a mesmerizing eye for detail.

It got even more sad regarding the pink bubbles (courtesy of Ray – seriously, why did Ray gift them so much shit? Where did he get all that money from?), which always made Nate smile and laugh, since these bubbles made their bathroom with the weird, ugly pink line of tiles look even more ridiculous and like something a bad interior designer had caused, someone like Ray for example.

Lastly, in a completely desperate attempt to lift Nate’s mood, Brad had collected all the candles he could find and lit them. So now their whole bathroom was reeking of cinnamon, since that was the only kind of candle there was in this whole flat – though it were at least six fucking candles. All scented.

But Nate was just silently sitting there hugging his knees, not moving at all. He simply stared after the rubber duckie Brad had thrown into the tub with him, watching how it slowly steered through the pinkish water.

And Brad just remained silent as well, trying to give Nate comfort through his sheer presence. He felt like words weren’t able to do any good right here, right now. His fingers itched to touch him, hug him, kiss him, to do anything to make him feel better, have him smile again.

Brad longed for the glow that had surrounded Nate after they set up their home for Christmas. The gleam in his eyes, the little smile tugging at his lips, the happiness that spilled out of every single one of his pores.

“I still wish for all of this to be some horrible kind of Christmas carol, that this is just the ghost of future Christmas showing her the worst possible fate. But this is the reality. An awful, disgusting, vile kind of reality.” Nate whispered lowly. Brad nodded, unable to do anything else.

“Can you imagine spending your Christmas like this? Horribly burned with unimaginable pains and the knowledge that those you love most are fucking dead?”

“You can’t know that.”

“Can’t know what?” Nate’s gaze turned onto him, his green eyes bored harshly into his blue ones.

“If the girl loved her parents. If the parents loved their daughter.”

It felt as if green arrows were shot at Brad, when he looked at Nate now. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re assuming a happy life for her before all that just had happened. What if a happy life is starting just now for her?”

Nate jolted forward, making some of the water splash out of the tub as he neared Brad. His eyes were hard, there was no burning anger in them, but a freezing cold hate, something Brad wasn’t used to. He wasn’t used to get this kind of stare from Nate. Like he was a stranger, no worse, he watched him like he was his enemy.

“Why do you always have to be like this? This fucking emotionless Iceman?”

Now Brad shot forward too, his forehead almost touching Nate’s. “I’m being realistic here. Frankly, you simply project what you would feel onto this child. You have no proof of how her live has really been like. So stop this shit. Act after you know everything. Don’t let things get over your head like this. Or you should seriously think of changing your field of work. Yes, this is horrifying and I can’t imagine to be in her place, but you can’t let it get to you like this.”

Nate’s cheeks reddened. His eyes started burning too, yet he never avoided Brad’s gaze for a second.

“You know I’m right. You work yourself up so much about shit like this. You can’t dwell on it. I don’t want to lose you over something like this that shouldn’t even concern us this much.”

Nate slumped. “How can’t it concern us?”

“If we were worried about everything in this world, we would’ve been wrecked after seconds. You need to draw a line, and you need to stop locking everything away. Think about Christeson. Does he let his job get so close to him?”

He shook his head slightly, catapulting drops from his wet hair into Brad’s face. Brad smiled at him, brushing his lips over his forehead. A blissful sigh escaped Nate’s lips.

Suddenly, the door got pushed open and the intruder announced himself with a loud meow. Frosty walked over to the two men, but jumped back when his paw stepped in one of the little puddles. A displeased look on his face, the little cat turned around and walked out of the bathroom again.

Brad and Nate stared after him before they both started laughing.

“You know I won’t change this fast?” Nate asked, caressing Brad’s lip with his thumb.

Brad answered by kissing his finger. “I’m here for every step. After all, it’s Christmas, isn’t it? Doesn’t this Scrooge also change simply over night?”

“Brad, the only one resembling Ebenezer Scrooge here is not the one in the tub right now, but the one who just slid down from the toilet.”

Brad huffed and before Nate could react, he had smashed a handful of foam onto his face.

“What – “

“Now the Christmas lover looks like Santa, though he has his beard dyed pink.”

Wiping the pink stuff off of his face, Nate snickered. “You are a complete dork, you know that? Nothing like an Iceman.”

Suddenly, they heard their front door banging open. With wide eyes, they stared at each other.

“Please don’t tell me – “

“I knew we should’ve never given that annoying little pest the key.”

Footsteps pounded on the tiles, Frosty hissed loudly and the inevitable kicked in.

Ray Person stood in the doorway, a huge bag pinned under his right arm and one could speculate those were tears in his eyes.

In the brink of an eye blink, Nate had thrown himself into the water so that only his face peeped out of it and Brad moved into position in front of the bathtub.

“Get the fuck out of here, Ray.” He boomed, pointing towards the door.

“I talked to Walt and he said he met Nate at the hospital and that he seemed very bummed out so I went around to get some make him happy gifts for you that you can give him because I know that you won’t ever give him anything and interpreting the things Walt said I decided some comfort sex wouldn’t be what he wants right now so – “

“No one wants to fucking hear that right now, you fucking infantile miserable annoying pesky ass that should be reported to the police for breaking into this apartment basically every single fucking day of the year. Don’t you have some other place to be?”

“Actually – “

“Just keep it in Ray and get out of this room so I can get Nate some fucking clothes and _then_ you can disperse into one of your endless monologues no one actually cares about.”

Ray shrugged and backed out of the bathroom. “Maybe if you give me your little raking tool I can get all the fibers of your nice shag carpet in the living room to go into the same direction.”

“Ray, don’t push your luck too much, or I’ll send you back to Walt in a box filled with your body parts in little jars.”

“Dude, you have watched way too much American Horror Story in the past week.”

“Ray – “

“It’s all good homes, I’m already in the kitchen. Nothing I can steal from Nate by looking at him.”

Nate emerged from the water, grabbing a towel which he then pulled around himself. “Not that I ever imagined me saying this, but if you were to murder him, I’d help you erase any traces.”

Brad grabbed another towel and started to carefully rubble over Nate’s head, to dry his hair. “I appreciate your help.”

“Me too.” Nate stopped what he was doing and leant into Brad’s touch.

“You know, you’re a lot like Frosty. He likes it too if you fondle his head. You just need to start purring now too.”

The ash blond hummed.

“Yo, if you guys start fucking in the bathtub right now, please just give me a heads-up so I can get Frosty out of earshot.”

“Ray, I swear to God – “ Brad left Nate with the towel on his head and practically ran over to their bedroom, grabbed whatever clothes he could find before throwing them to Nate into the bathroom.

Then he slammed the door shut and what happened next Nate could only describe as the noise of someone being strangled and a tornado storming through the house.

“So basically, Walt said, he found Nate in the pediatric ward standing in front of the room with the new girl, looking like he was about to cry, but didn’t have the time to ask him about it since the boy from room 201 rang for him because he managed to pull out his infusion again and was spilling blood everywhere, which made his roommate panic, so Walt had to prevent anything bad from happening, but thought about coming over to ask, so I answered I’m gonna come over, since Brad phoned me and sounded anxious – “ “I wasn’t anxious.” “- and look after Nate, so here I am, with some good comfort gifts, do you like them?”

Brad looked at Ray, giving him a ‘God-do-you-not-need-to-breathe? – stare. Nate was unwrapping his presents (which were very fittingly wrapped in paper decorated with little polar bears wearing a Santa Clause costume).

“Yes, thank you, but Ray, seriously, what the hell is this?”

“One is a coupon for a free massage I found pinned to our fridge, the other is a coupon for getting milkshakes together, just you and me!”

“That I can see, but what is this?” Nate motioned to the huge blanket like thing, except that this blanket came with something that looked like sleeves?

“Oh that! That is a professional cuddling blanket. Whenever Brad’s to icy for you, just put on this baby and all will be good!”

Nate stared at the ‘professional cuddling blanket’ in his hands and still couldn’t quite believe what it was. Brad stared at it together with him, a gaze of ‘Where-the-fuck-does-this-man-find-such-bullshit’ plastered on his face.

“Thank you, Ray.”

“Well, though I believe that hoodie from Brad also doubles as a cuddle blanket, since it’s at least two sizes too big for you. Brad, does this thing even fit you?”

“It does, Ray.”

“Well…” Ray looked away from the couple and his eyes fell onto the advent wreath on the table. “You haven’t lit the second candle once. Do you need to be reminded that Christmas is just around the corner?” He shot them a disappointed glance and fumbled for the matches in the little basket next to it.

“Not in a hundred years I would let you operate open fire in my house. Do that in your own. I’m sure Walt misses you already.” Brad snatched the matches from his hands before any accident could happen and motioned for Ray to get the fuck out of his flat.

“Pah! Fine, if you won’t spend some time with your dearest pal Ray-Ray, I’ll just leave!”

Slowly, very slowly, he basically crawled towards the front door.

“Now, Ray.”

“Only if you light the candles while I’m still here.”

Sighing, Nate grabbed the matches and with a swift move, lit both candles. “Happy now?”

Ray smiled brightly at them and with a wave, he was out of the door. “I knew I simply needed to remind you of the beautiful Christmas time again for Natey to feel better.”

Brad’s eyes shifted towards Nate, and yes, the smile was finally back, even if it didn’t completely reach his eyes yet.

“You better now?”

Nate took a bite from one of the cookies they still had left. Pappy was absolutely the best baker in the whole universe. “I think so.”

“This bullshit doesn’t stop because it’s Christmas. They don’t multiply either. They just feel worse, because now we want the whole world to be as happy as we are which is impossible. You’re doing your best. Why do they even need her to testify?” Brad had begun to play with Nate’s hair, which his boyfriend acknowledged with a joyful sigh, though it was laced with resignation.

“Griego, the estate firm’s lawyer wants her to pay for the damage done to the house, get the case to be negotiated as arson.”

“That little fucker. Didn’t he work at your place before?”

“Yeah, he quit together with Schwetje to start their own business. They both didn’t get a lot of cases thanks to me, so they had the same problem with me as Charles, but after a lot of stress between us all, they quit.”

Brad kissed Nate’s temple. “They also don’t care about Christmas. But don’t let any of this take away your holiday or living spirit, okay?”

Nate mumbled something.

“Come on, I’ll get something to eat and you can turn on the lights for the Christmas tree and play that vinyl Walt brought over. Let’s get your mind off of everything and some good things in, right?”

He lightly tapped Nate’s thigh and got up. Nate grasped his hand, held him back. The tall turned around to look at him.

“Thank you.” Nate whispered. Brad huffed and got down to his knees. He softly wiped some crumbs from the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth and softly pressed his lips against his.

“For you, I’d do this till the end of time.”

Frosty jumped to the couch, for inexplicable reasons sporting a pair of little antlers.

“Oh, you poor baby, what has the bad, bad Ray done to you?” Brad cooed and pulled the thing off of his kitten’s head. And with that, made Nate laugh out loud.

“You’ve become a huge softie, you know that?”

“Oh shut up, you little flower!”

“Flower?”

“’Cause you’re sensitive.”

“Idiot.”

“Say the only idiot right here.”

**Author's Note:**

> This happened again after getting five emotive words. This time:
> 
> Ecstasy  
> Professional Cuddly Blanket  
> Christmas Carol  
> Hula Hoop  
> Algebra
> 
> Merry Christmas! Hope you had fun reading!


End file.
